You don’t get to 35 years of age without learning a few tough lessons. And many of them involve taking a hard look at how you’ve reacted to situations instead of what has actually happened to you. My thirties have actually been very kind to me so far! I watched a TikTok recently that said your thirties are your chance to relive being thirteen, reconnecting with the things you love without the fear of judgement and embarrassment. I think that’s so true. And if there’s anything I’ve learnt the most since my thirties arrived, it’s that you will never stop changing and growing, but you realise just how unkind you were to yourself in years before.
// Learning to stand up for myself
When I worked in agencies and adland, I always used to let people have their way. I felt too young, too inexperienced, too… female … to have an opinion. When I look back, feeling this way was such a shame because there were so many amazing creative directors and mentors who were women who had an impact on me.
I like to hear everyone’s opinions before making choices, and I think this meant I’d run out of confidence to truly defend my thoughts. About 5 years into my creative career, I started placing more importance on what I had to say and less on what others might think. It actually took an incident of sexism towards me and another female colleague to really make me speak louder. If you’d told me 10 years ago someone at work, or even a stranger, didn’t like me or agree with me, I’d have had sleepless nights and nausea from the anxiety. Now? I’m not responsible for your feelings. You could be the juiciest peach in the orchard, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.
// Running like Phoebe Buffet
I learnt this one the hard way. I was already deep in my overdraft when I accepted an internship fresh out of university. It paid me £50 a week, which was just under the price of my weekly travelcard at the time. This, mixed with wanting to keep up with trends and enjoying buying things, meant my credit card debts were piling up. I wrote about this (and how I brought my debt-free date forward by 6 months) for my old job.
What I mean by ‘run like Phoebe Buffet’ is that I shouldn’t have been so wrapped up in showing off my new purchases (that actually didn’t always properly fit me anyway) and instead been more interested in finding my own style. Rachel in Friends was so bothered about looking like any other runner, she didn’t realise how fun it could be if she did her own thing! Don’t get me wrong, I am still heavily influenced by social media and buy crap that I don’t really need, buuuut if it doesn’t fit me just right then it goes straight back to the shop. Life is too short (and expensive) to waste your money and time on things that don’t truly make you feel good.
// Self-care is sometimes in the form of ‘no’
Oh no, it’s not just a face mask and a fancy bath on a Sunday night. Self-care is so much more than that. It’s taken me years to understand that simply saying ‘no’ to doing something you don’t want to do is ok. Of course there are things we should do when we don’t 100% want to, so we show up for our friends and support them even on anxious and crappy days. But saying no to going out or events or meet-ups, or taking on responsibilities is just fine. FOMO is a real thing, but what’s really going to happen if you miss out? The truth is, absolutely nothing. You have to make time to prioritise yourself; that’s important.
// Wear SPF every single day…trust me
I have to thank Demi Colleen for bringing the ‘two fingers full’ method to my attention during lockdown and I’ve been making sure I use this amount of SPF daily ever since.
Caroline Hirons also recommends wearing SPF even if you’re not going outside. If you can see, then there’s sunlight. If there’s sunlight, there’s UV rays. I’ve worn SPF on and off for years, but since I started making it a part of my daily skincare routine I believe my skin is in a much better state than if I’d not used it I hold SPF responsible for people believing I’m younger than I actually am!
// Binning the make-up wipes
Another piece of Caroline Hirons wisdom… make-up removal wipes should only be used for flights, festivals and fannies. Any other time you’re washing your face, water and a cleanser is best. I ditched make-up wipes in 2016 and it transformed my skin. I still get spots and clogged pores, but nowhere near as bad as when I cleaned my face with the dreaded wipes.
Ditch them from your daily routine and replace them with a cleansing balm and a soft flannel. I’ve bought into expensive brands before, but more affordable ranges work just as well. I currently use this Superdrug B. balm and microfibre cloths as flannels can sometimes be a bit rough if you don’t want to splash out on the Egyptian cotton ones. When I’m feeling lazy (let’s face it, this is most of the time) then I use micellar water to wipe my whole face and neck. Nothing compares to a proper cleanse though.
There you have it, things I’ve learned in mind and spirit. What pieces of advice would you give your younger self?
Featured image by Masaaki Komori on Unsplash.
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