I’m 11 years old. I’ve just passed my 11+ exam and discovered I’m one of the lucky girls off to the town’s high school in September. I haven’t got my period yet but my best friend has, so I’m feeling very jealous of her and desperate for my impending womanhood.

It’s a pretty pivotal point in any young girl’s life – on the brink of change, excited to find their place in the world, and completely unaware of the shitstorm that’s about to face them.

I could have done with a bit of advice from my future-self back then. A shy ball of anxiety and social awkwardness, it took several painful lessons to get where I am today (still monumentally fucked up, lol!). So, here are 11 things I’d tell a nervous little 11-year-old me about what’s to come.

1. It’s okay to be ‘quiet’

You’re an introvert, but you don’t know it yet. You think you’re just really shy and nervous about everything. Well, you are that too, but it runs deeper than you think. You’re different to the louder people in your form group, and that’s okay. You don’t need to shout to be heard, and neither do you have to make a scene to be respected. Your introversion is a survival instinct and you’ll learn how to make it work for you!

Your quietness will be criticised, will lose you marks in a university degree module, and make people underestimate you. But later in life it’s your superpower. You might feel like a background character, but the words you write? They roar.

2. Speak up for others

You might be quiet, but you know your voice is important. This justice sensitivity you start to experience might make you feel overwhelmed, but you can (and eventually will) use it to help others. Speak up when your friends get bullied, tell people when you think they’re wrong, and spend more time helping people who need it. The ‘cool’ kids won’t remember if you said something remotely funny. But the girl who needs someone on her side will, if you stick up for her.

3. You can do scary things

You’ll have to do a lot of things that scare you, and you’ll avoid doing plenty of other scary things for too long. It’ll take you a while to stand up to your own anxiety and fear, but when you do it’ll be so freeing. 

One day you’ll drive on a motorway without crying. One day you’ll speak in front of over a hundred people. One day you’ll make a decision that ends up saving your life.

4. Best Friends (not) Forever

This one’s going to hit you hard, sorry love. Girls can be so mean, and it doesn’t necessarily get easier when you’re older. Someone you think is your friend is going to rapidly turn into your bully, and your teachers are going to make the problem so much worse. 

Then when you’re way into your twenties, a friend you have an inkling will hurt you – does. But stand your ground, keep telling the truth, and it will all turn out the way it’s supposed to be.

5. Write more, and don’t be afraid to put it out there

You love writing and you’re about to spend the next seven years in love with English lessons! Keep writing about whatever you feel like, keep reading and keep shouting about your work. Huh? Well… maybe keep the emo poems to yourself.

Oh, and when ‘blogging’ becomes a thing, spend a bit more time publishing your posts and less time trying to get into pubs (Apple Sourz are gross anyway).

6. Ignore everyone when they say you won’t survive as a writer – you will

By this time, you probably realise there are a lot of dickheads out there. Some of them will tell you that there’s ‘no money’ in writing or that it’s not a ‘viable career’. Someone will even suggest you need to sit in fashion cupboards for two years if you want to work in magazines.

You don’t do that. And you end up making quite a lot of money writing, actually. In fact, you stop writing for a few years and when it all goes tits up you jump straight back into it. 

7. Please don’t use those Wella shaders and toners. Really, don’t!

I know you’re really into your new, alternative identity, but please please don’t use that shitty hair dye. It won’t work the way you think it will. It’ll come out a yellowy orange and people at school will start calling you Ketchup Head.

When you graduate university, you’ll dye your hair deep brown and make mum cry. Then you have the nerve to ask her to help pay to bleach it out two months later. 

8. Your bully will try to add you on Facebook. Decline

Facebook? It’s like MSN Messenger but a website. And it’s responsible for a lot of awful shit in the world. She’ll try to add you as a ‘friend’, but just have a quick look at her profile and then block, block, block.

Yeah, sorry you have a bully. It’ll be really horrible for a bit, and then it’ll get worse, but eventually the truth comes out and you are avenged! It’s all very dramatic. You’ll be ok.

9. You only need to impress yourself

You’re going to meet loads of new people and start finding your place in the world. It’s going to be a while until you find your ‘tribe’, but don’t try and change yourself to fit into other people’s definitions. Be you and don’t apologise for it.

10. It’s as simple as wearing whatever you want to

Your friend’s boyfriend will ask you why you’re wearing that skirt and “aren’t you worried people will laugh at you?” You weren’t worried at all, until just then. But do exactly as you did – keep your head up and own that damn skirt. You actually get some nice compliments about it in the end. If you feel good wearing it, that’s all that matters.

If you could just avoid getting a credit card in your early twenties though please, that’d be a great help. When I say wear what you want, I don’t mean chuck a load of Net-a-porter purchases on a card to worry about later. You don’t even bloody wear half of it.

11. Trust your gut

Stick with it. You’re going to spend the rest of your life discovering that it’s always, infinitely right.

Oh, and the boy you married under the birch trees on the school field? Not worth it, love. So not worth it.

Featured photo by Mark Casey on Unsplash